


As you walk away

by lbmisscharlie



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Asexual!Sherlock, Asexuality, F/M, M/M, Mixtape, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-16
Updated: 2011-08-16
Packaged: 2017-10-22 16:13:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/239964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lbmisscharlie/pseuds/lbmisscharlie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mini-fic with fanmix. Sherlock knows he can't give John everything he wants, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when he finds it somewhere else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As you walk away

It’s nothing so dull as a crisis of sexuality or a panicked mid-life crisis.

John leaves with a smile, content with a future melded between criminal chases and Sunday brunch. The domesticity offered by Mary – the comfort, the stability – would be enough to drive John mad on its own. Tempered with the danger Sherlock has come to represent, though, and it might, John thinks, might just be enough.

John leaves, thinking of a future with less destruction. Maybe there will be children and John will feel tethered once more, tied to a home and sweet, soft lovemaking and family dinners and children’s giggles. Those hands that doctor Sherlock, stitching up cuts and wrenching back dislocations, will stick plasters on scraped knees and cool fevered brows.

John leaves, tucking his heart away and not pining for what might have been. Sherlock had said _married to my work_ and yes, it was a warning. It was _don’t fall in love with me_ , it was _I can’t give you want you want, only what you need._ John pushes only once and his rebuffed touch ensures he’ll not try again, no drunken declarations of love, no deliberate brushes of fingers, no quick stolen kisses in moments of exhilaration. It’s what Sherlock wanted but he still feels their phantom absence.

John leaves, but keeps coming back. A text brings him running, hands steady and gun at his waist. He drops by of a Sunday, makes Sherlock eat. He lingers in the evenings listening, body relaxed and eyes closed, as Sherlock coaxes notes mournful and slow out of his violin.

John leaves and Sherlock aches. He loved and he wanted but not – never – in the way John desired. John’s sweet and flirtatious laugh, his eyes darkened with lust, his skin flushed and thrilling with blood: each fascinating on their own but together their implications make Sherlock’s stomach turn. He wants to know every inch of John, map out his textures, observe the shift of his muscles, he wants to understand his mind and his motives, he wants to keep him but not _have_ him, to know him but not possess him. He misses his presence like someone has removed a piece of his own mind.

John leaves and Sherlock wants to beg him to come back.

John leaves.

* * *

  
  
  


  


[Download](http://www.megaupload.com/?d=G6W7YF5O)

Just don’t fall  
Recklessly, headlessly in love with me  
Cause it’s gonna be  
All heartbreak  
Blissfully painful insanity  
If we agree  
Oh you can hang with me  
 **-Robyn, “Hang With Me”**

Don’t forget me, I beg,  
I remember you said  
“Sometimes it lasts in love,  
But sometimes it hurts instead.”  
 **-Adele, “Someone Like You”**

Marry me, John  
Marry me, John, I’ll be so good to you  
You won’t realize I’m gone.  
 **-St. Vincent, “Marry Me”**

Oh, you’re searching for something I know, won’t make you happy  
Oh, you’re thirsting for something I know, won’t make you happy  
 **-Corinne Bailey Rae, “I’d Do It All Again”**

And as you walk away  
My headstone crumbles  
As you walk away  
The Hollywood winds will howl  
As you walk away  
The Kremlin’s falling  
As you walk away  
Radio Four is static  
 **-Franz Ferdinand, “Walk Away”**

I’ve fallen out of favor,  
And I’ve fallen from grace,  
Fallen out of trees,  
And I’ve fallen on my face,  
Fallen out of taxis, out of windows too,  
Fell in your opinion,  
When I fell in love with you.  
 **-Florence and the Machine, “Falling”**

I was wrong, I was wronged  
I was lost but now I’m found  
Don’t be scared, don’t be scared  
Of losing something that you never had  
 **-The Magic Numbers, “You Never Had It”**

I’m too sad to cry  
You won’t find a tear in my eye  
My baby’s gone and hurt me so  
I’m way too sad to cry  
 **-Imelda May, “Too Sad To Cry”**

If I was my heart I’d rather be restless  
Second I stop the sleep catches up and I’m breathless  
As this ache in my chest, as my day is done now  
The dark covers me and I cannot run now  
 **-Amy Winehouse, “Wake Up Alone”**  



End file.
